I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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