Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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