Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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