Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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