it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
