And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
