I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
