fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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