You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
