Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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