Tell her she can't have a vagina
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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