I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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