Whod you bang
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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