eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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