Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
