I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
