he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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