I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
