Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
