dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He better not be in your backpack
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
