his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
