Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
