You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
