she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
