he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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