yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
