tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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