It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
