Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yo dont text me then not text me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
