It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
