Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
