he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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