She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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