i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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