I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
whose parrot is this?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
