Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
