i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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