Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
