We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
