Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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