I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
