I'm so fucking centered right now
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
