You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
