I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
