I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
