We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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