I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
