WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You took a bar mat shot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
