Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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