That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
