no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
