What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
