I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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